In 1985, I was not yet “theunfetteredpreacher”.
I was a preacher who moved to NC in the hopes of finding, and leading folks to Christ. (I wanted a pulpit).
I had been saved, attended Bible School, led Worship, taught and preached for several years as a traveling Evangelist.
I thought I was ready. I thought I was chosen, I thought I was anointed, I thought I was full of the power and wisdom of God. (I was convinced).
One man, (me), and God would conquer the world. (Or at least Morehead City).
Invited by a friend from Bible School, he was interim Pastor, for a small group, (35?), of folks who were hooked up with a fairly new thing.
A satellite ministry.
We had seen it in Bible School. The Faith movement, had gone to space. The preacher, instead of just talking to his mega church, could send out by satellite, his message to the masses.
This was great for a lot of preachers, they would watch and listen to the Faith message, run to their flock and share it with them. (Still happening today).
The flock, thought, (I assume), their pastor was a genius, touched, anointed of God. What wonderful words of life, he shared.
I was a disappointment. I would not repreach, (For the most part), someone elses message.
I did not consider someone elses revelation to be my manna from heaven. I was determined to collect and share the manna I received from God.
I knew and agreed with the Faith message, but to me there was much more than just speaking and thinking positively.
The Lord still expected us to be Holy. He expected for us to DO JUSTLY, LOVE MERCY AND WALK HUMBLY WITH OUR GOD.
Apparently, that was not a popular message.
I received the left foot of fellowship. (Bye now, good luck, keep your chin up…).
My wife had known better… I was wrong. I didn’t stand a chance. (I really was not a good leader, preacher or even a good person).
It wasn’t long before I crawled into a hole and hid.
I loved the Lord, His people? Not so much.
For years after this, my prayers never went beyond the ceiling of my prayer closet. They bounced back, and around, completely missing the path to the One who could heal my troubled soul.
Like the Hebrews in the desert I spent my time wondering. Never able to enter into the promise, the place of rest in the Lord.
Today, I play piano, teach a Bible Study, and still long for a Pulpit. I still want to share manna from heaven.
I still desire to lead people to the living God. To see them Saved, Healed, Comforted, Set Free. To live in and share the Power of God.
Then sending them out to do the same.
I still haven’t entered into that rest.
Is the desire of my heart, a desire given by God, or just a selfish desire to be noticed, looked up to, to be somebody?
Sad, isn’t it?